Realationships are Complicated
by Raven McBain
Summary: Danny wants to win Hawkes back, Hawkes is still hurting and then theres Mac. Then the rest of the team gets involved, sigh, relationships are complicated. Danny/Hawkes, Mac/Hawkes, with slight mentions of Danny/Lindsay and Stella/Flack. slash
1. The Penalty of Lying About Love

Title: The penalty of lying about love  
Author: ScifirogueKane  
Rating: FRT  
Pairing: Hawkes/Danny, hints of Hawkes/Mac and mentions of Danny/Lindsay  
Content Warning: slash, angst, swearing, Danny being an idiot  
Summary: Hawkes should have known better then to get involved with Danny, at least that's what Danny told himself, Hawkes should have known that Danny would hurt him. (Danny's Perspective)  
Authors note: This is my first CSI: New York fic so be kind please. Flames will be given to the Flying Monkeys to play with, they shall then be sent after the flamers. I do not own CSI: NY or any of its characters. If sued all you shall get is a pile of overdue assignments. Also the story may get a tad confusing because it starts after the events have transpired

I am not slinking, no sirree I'm just being cautious, the last few days have, if nothing else taught me that. I was just walking into work, and if I bumped into Sheldon or Montana then I would just walk in the other direction, as fast as I possibly can. At least there were only three people who knew what happened and I seriously doubt that either party will want to blab to the lab that I, Danny Messer had cheated on Sheldon Hawkes with Lindsay Monroe, nope I'm relatively certain that they both wish that the whole thing would go away. However that did not detract from the fact that I am not slinking, I made a mistake, sure everyone does, but it's not like I forced Lindsay into my bed and I sure as hell didn't ask Hawkes to fall in love with me.

I just have to get past Mac's office unnoticed and then I should be home... What the fuck! Ok lack of sleep and stress has lead to hallucinations that's the only explanation; there is NO WAY I saw MY Sheldon and Mac kissing, no fucking way! Hawkes ain't like that he wouldn't jump from my bed to Mac's that quickly Not to mention Mac's straight, he was married for crying out loud, and even if he wasn't getting involved with a employee, especially one who was emotionally vulnerable, would not be Mac's style, no way. Of course no of this changes that fact that when I walked by his office I saw him, kissing MY Sheldon. I casually walk back to do a double take and their no where near each other, but I can still tell that what I saw was real. Hawkes was shaking like a leaf and Mac looked like the world had just shifted sideways. Actually he kinda looked like Sheldon had when he walked into my place and found me and Lindsay going at it and if I had a mirror I suspect that's how I look too.

In my defense it's not like meant to hurt Sheldon frankly that was the last thing on my mind. He was there for me through all the crap that was going on. Holding me when I needed to be held, talking when I needed to talk, fucking me when I needed to be fucked and flipping anything else I needed. I tried to give back, honestly I did, I tried to listen, I tried to be there for him and often I was. Really my insane need to be the centre of attention was not what broke us up, it was his insane need for me to open up to him completely, something I'm not capable of. I tried, I thought if I could open up to anyone it would be Sheldon Hawkes, but nope, no cigar. That's why we fought, that's why he ran off and I went to the nearest bar, that's why I picked up Lindsay and that is why I slept with her! I was hurt, I thought he had left for good this time, no more chances, and Lindsay is beautiful, and sweet and wanted me, so I took her to bed. She was one hundred percent there, how dare she act like a victim now. Of course if she'd known about Hawkes, and that she was just my rebound, I doubt that she would have been so willing, still I am not the only villain here. I thought he was gone, I certainly didn't expect him to come back, while I was with Lindsay, with a pizza and beer and a apology, though if I'm honest with myself, had I known I don't know if it would have made a difference.

But back to the present, how dare Mac take advantage of Sheldon like this. Frick, anyone with half a brain could tell that he was in no shape to be with anyone else. And dammit if he got in a relationship with Mac, there go my chances of winning him back, I know I could do it too if given half a chance. Gotta move, they're leaving his office and I DO NOT want them to see me. I don't want them to see what this is doing to me and how badly I want to wrap Hawkes in my arms and never, EVER, let him go again, how much I want to tell him that I will never hurt him again, and how m


	2. Revenge a Dish best served unknowingly

Title: Revenge is a Dish that is Best Served Unknowingly

Author: ScifirogueKane

Rating: FRT Pairing: Hawkes/Danny and Hawkes/Mac and with hints of Danny/LindsayContent

Warning: slash, angst, swearing, Danny being an idiotSummary: Hawkes didn't go into that office with the intention of kissing Mac, he was just tired of hurting.

Authors note: See first chapter. Mac may be a tad out of character here, I find him extremely hard to write.

Sheldon Hawkes wasn't being driven by his own power, for the past few days he had done everything with an almost robotic quality. So when he finally found himself at work he was looking forward to wrapping the safe cloak of the job around him. He could only pray that he didn't have to work with either Danny or Lindsay because he couldn't handle that right now.

It was permanently etched into his mind, the image of the man he loved having sex with their co-worker. Lindsay hadn't known about them, and she had made no secret about her feelings toward Danny. He had given her an opening and she had taken it. Danny, on the other hand, had knowingly busted Hawkes heart to bits. There was no excuse for what he had done and maybe if Hawkes keeps telling himself that, he will stop coming up with them. They had fought, it had been worse then any that came before, same subject matter however, Danny's inability to commit to their relationship. All Sheldon had wanted was to be let in, but he shouldn't have pushed it so far, because when he did, it provoked Danny to showing just how uncommitted he was.

Sheldon had walked into work, and hadn't thought about the pain and then he had walked straight into Lindsay. She had tried to apologize, tried to figure out what to say but in the end what could she say. Her words wouldn't undo what happened that night and they wouldn't fix things for either one of them. He had quickly scurried off because if he had stayed he would have lost it and truly she wasn't the one who deserved his rage. This was how Mac found him, wandering around, confused and in pain.

"Hawkes, are you alright?" his voice was soft, almost as if he was talking to a hurt animal. Actually Hawkes supposed that he was, after all humans are just another animal, just as capable of causing pain on each other as any other and the wounds Danny had inflicted on him were just as painful as if he had used claws. Mac slowly approached him. Eyeing him carefully and Hawkes couldn't help but feel like a piece of evidence in the lab, a puzzle that needed to be solved. But then he saw the underlying concern in those eyes and it nearly broke him. As Mac gently took Sheldon by the arm and walked him to Mac's office, he couldn't help but think bitterly that Mac cared more about him then his so-called lover.

"What's wrong?" Mac asked him as soon as they entered the office; sounding mostly like Sheldon's boss, rather then his friend, but this is Mac that we're talking about.

"Don't worry Mac I can handle it, it won't effect my work." As long as I don't have to work with the people who hurt me, Hawkes couldn't help but silently add. It was the truth, work would be heaven compared to home. At work he had things he could focus on, crimes to solve absolutely leaving no time to brood about his love life.

"Hawkes I'm not worried about your performance in the lab, I'm worried about you." Mac replied, quickly with concern in his voice and an undercut of something else that Hawkes couldn't identify. "I'm trying to be your friend here, something is obviously wrong and I don't want another friend to fall through the cracks." He finished with a tad of bitterness in his voice as they both remembered Aiden.

"Mac, I'm not going to do anything stupid, that's always been Danny's department, not mine." Hawkes said and the amount of absolute bitterness in his tone surprised him. He hadn't even heard Mac get up from where he had been sitting until he spoke next almost right next to Hawkes ear and made him jump."What did Danny do?" Hawkes was slightly taken aback by the harsh tone of his boss's voice. "I knew I should have done something the moment I realized. I knew that it couldn't end well!" Mac's voice was rough with suppressed emotion and his gaze bore straight through Sheldon. As a result it took a minute before what Mac said sunk in.

"You knew? How, I thought we were so discreet." Hawkes felt humiliated, if Mac knew who else knew, and how long would it take till everyone knew the whole story, how long until his pain was aired out for everyone to mock. "And how did you know it would end like this when I had no clue." He didn't care that his voice was verging on sounding pitiful, he was in pain and the thought of it getting any worse.

"I know you and I know Danny, plus I'm a careful observer." Mac's voice was soothing, trying to calm down Sheldon's fears. "I wasn't sure, that's why I stayed quiet. Danny can't commit, even when anyone would have to be a fool not to." Mac dipped his head almost in embarrassment as he finished, backing away from Hawkes slightly.

"He cheated on me Mac." Hawkes voice dipped low as he finally admitted it out loud, "We fought about his lack of commitment, and I ran, when I came back he was with Lindsay. I should have stayed, I shouldn't have pushed, him. I was such a fucking idiot!" Hawkes had begun to pace but as he said this Mac grabbed his arm and pulled him so they were face to face and only inches apart.

"No! You're not the idiot, Danny is for throwing away the best thing that ever happened to him." Mac's eyes were gleaming with emotion and Hawkes finally saw what had been hiding just below the surface for the entire conversation. For the life of him Hawkes couldn't say who moved, all he knew was that one second they were staring at each other and the next the were pressed close, Mac devouring Hawkes mouth. Their hands were roaming each other's bodies and for the first time since he walked in on Danny and Lindsay, Hawkes didn't hurt. He let himself get lost in Mac, in his safety, and for a second all was right in the world. Then the absolute wrongness of this hit him and he pushed away. For a second the two of them stood on opposite ends of the office. Sheldon quaking with what had just happened and Mac looking like his world had been crushed when Hawkes pulled away. Both suddenly glad that no one was around to see that.

"Mac, I can't do this. I do this and I'm as bad as he is." Hawkes words dripped with guilt. Mac was about to contradict him but Hawkes spoke first. "I know what he did was wrong, but I can't just jump into a new relationship, it's not fair to anyone involved. I can't use you like that." Hawkes trailed off at the almost amused look on Mac's face. "What?"

"You're using me?" A slight quirk of Mac's lip added to his amused tone, confusing the hell out of Hawkes. "Hawkes I want you, I marked you off limits, but I still want you." Sheldon had looked down so Mac brought his face back up so they were looking in each others eyes again. "I couldn't let you continue thinking that you were the one who was unworthy." He gently traced Hawkes jaw line with his fingertips then pulled away. "But if you're not ready, then I can wait. Or if you don't want me, ok fine, but don't ever think that this isn't what I want."

For a second Hawkes considered it. Losing himself in Mac sounded like heaven, but the reasons he couldn't were so long that Hawkes nearly couldn't think of them all. He still loved Danny, he was hurting so bad he felt like he could never trust again, Mac was his boss and as much as Hawkes hated to admit it he wasn't up for another battle. He was sure Mac couldn't let him in any more then Danny could and Hawkes swore he would never go through that again.

"I love Danny," he said this like it was his definitive reason. There was no way he would hurt Mac by telling him the truth. "I should go to work" He turned to walk out, surprised when Mac fell into step beside him as they left. When they exited Hawkes couldn't shake the feeling of being watched, but he pushed it down. He had work to do and hopefully that would stop his life from getting even more complicated


End file.
